Fantastic Four #288

Fantastic Four #288-"Full Circle"

Cover Date: Mar 1986 Price $.75

Cover Tagline: "Doctor Doom vs The Beyonder"
Writer/Artist: John Byrne

(Editor's Note- Have you ever had one of those tasks on your "to do" list that you hate to do so much that you'll put off forever? Well consider this review one of them. It has literally been a goal of mine to "review FF #288" for about a month. Seriously, I need some closure from this issue, and continue moving on with my life. So for the good of my sanity,this blog, and the world at large, here we go....)

Story: This issue quickly picks up right where the last one left off, with Johnny "I'll shack up with my best friend's girl the minute he's out of the picture" Storm literally torching his way through some of Dr. Doom's mindless robot drones. You see, at the end of last issue, Johnny received a distress signal from his sister, the Invisible Woman, indicating she was in danger at the Latverian Embassy. As if anything good could ever come of having a Latverian Embassy anywhere....

As Johnny flies around burning things, he thinks aloud that it's strange that the doombots are so active, considering their master is dead. As the Human Torch turns to fry his next victim, he finds not an automaton, but an old lady. This "harmless old lady" is Sarah, the next door neighbor of Peggy McArthur, who we learned last issue was the simple housewife whose husband's body had been taken over by the consciousness of Dr. Doom. In one 8 panel page, good old Sarah pours on the exposition with a shot-for-shot retelling of Peggy's story, thereby rendering the purchase of the previous issue moot. Ah, the eighties, when writers retold you everything you needed to know EVERY issue.

As Sarah finishes telling Johnny her tale of neighborly woe, he stands in seeming disbelief. But he gives her the "geriatric benefit-of-the-doubt" pass and goes on to find Doom and Peggy, along with his sister. Spotting a melee in the next room, the Torch spots She-Hulk and her fellow superheroine friend Wasp slagging some more doombots. Once again, I must reiterate, there is something disturbingly gratifying with the way the Doombots cry out in agony as they're destroyed: "Squeeeee!"

Not since the Power Rangers used to destroy the nearly endless hoards of puddys by punching the "Z's" on their chests have I so enjoyed the deaths of mindless foot soldiers.

As the Wasp and She-Hulk continue to rip through Doombots, Reed Richards comes out of pretty much thin air to congratulate them on the way they can beat on mindless droids. Reed tells the two lovely ladies that he was there responding to the Invisible Woman's distress signal (ahh, the old distress signal plot device. Where the heck would the FF be without it?), and he asks them where Susan is. The heroines tell Richards that his wife is off with the Invincible Man, who we as readers learned was actually Dr. Doom. Well, he's Dr. Doom in the body of Mr. McArthur, in the garb of the Invincible Man. Mom always said to dress in layers, but that's just ridiculous.

As Reed and the super hotties chat it up, Johnny joins the scene . And with their reunion, Dr. Doom also makes his presence known. Hitting the group with a sonic disruptor, Dr. Doom then proceeds to place each of the heroes in a cage that matches and disrupts their powers. Reed and the Wasp are in some kind of giant bubble, Susan Richards is in a cage that has the same frequencies as her own force field, Johnny Storm is in an inert fluid that allows him to breathe but not flame on, and the She Hulk is in a web of invisible unbreakable molecular chains. I'll take Doom's word for it as far the actual scientific explanations of his contraptions go, but She-Hulk has to go and call his bluff. She soons learn not to trifle with Doom, as she cuts her skin on the invisible force field. Wenches be triflin, yo.

It seems as if Doom has everyone where he wants them, and Reed asks if it really is Doom in the flesh, or another cheap Doombot. Doom assures everyone that it is him, and takes off his mask to reveal the face of Peggy McArthur's husband Norm. Peggy yells to Mr. Fantastic that he is the most brilliant man on earth, and that he needs to get her husband back. "Norm Doom" goes a little nuts and grabs Peggy, lifting her in the air and telling her that no one is smarter than him. This scene looks familiar,hmmmmm. Maybe because if you replace Peggy with the little Latverian boy Kristoff from issue #258 you would have the exact same panel. But like I said in that review, if you can't trust a megalomaniac dictator to be consistent, who can you trust?

Anyway, in making his point that he really is smart, Norm Doom points Peg's attention to a flaming energy pit on the floor. Apparently, aside from looking like a great place to make a S'more, the pit is full of black magic that is calling forth the most powerful being in the universe. As Doom mentions this, everyone gasps in horror, because they know who the "living embodiment" of energy in the 1986 Marvel Universe is.... The Beyonder! Did I mention that this issue is an insufferable tie-in to the completely unnecessary Marvel company-wide storyline called "Secret Wars II"? The Beyonder appears, in his Saturday Night Fever Best, perm and all.

Well, the Beyonder is not too keen on being summoned, and asks Doom who he is and what he wants. This is a bit odd, considering the two had met before. Doom takes advantage of this confusion by blasting the Beyonder. You gotta admit, shooting the most powerful being in the universe with anything is pretty impressive. It seems that when Doom and the Beyonder met during "Secret Wars I", Doom actually stole the Beyonder's omnipotent powers, so there is a glimmer of hope that he can do so again. But the tables are quickly turned as the Beyonder begins to blast Doom, and lectures him on the depravity of mankind. As the Beyonder begins to go into full lecture mode (we're talking graduation commencement levels), someone yells "No!!"

The Beyonder turns to find that it was Reed who was yelling, and asks him why he of all people would want to save Doom's life. Reed explains that the Beyonder had met Doom before, so there must be something wrong since he does not remember him. Reed then goes into a 3 page history lesson about what Doom did during the first "Secret Wars" series, which in a nutshell was that Doom stole the Beyonder's powers, got killed, and was then reborn and banished to who knows where. The Beyonder still claims that he doesn't know this guy, and Reed figures out that it's because the Beyonder is looking at Doom's aura crossed with that of Norm McArthur. The Beyonder looks closer, and realizes that it is the same jerk's aura residing in the body of someone new. The Beyonder goes in to make the kill, but Reed once again yells "No!" Man, I thought his catch phrase was "great scott!"

Reed explains to the Beyonder that when all the heroes and villains were plucked from earth and put on an alien world to fight in the first "Secret Wars", the Doom that was there had his own body, with it's own aura (not the Norm Doom aura he has now, but the original flavor Victor Von Doom aura). At the time of the first Secret Wars, Doom's regular body had been destroyed, so for him to have his original flavor aura during the time of "Secret Wars I" must have meant that the Beyonder pulled Doom from a different part of the time stream.

Richards goes on to tell the Beyonder that this means that when the Beyonder pulled Doom out of the time stream, he created a self fulfilling time loop, wherein everyone else's pasts became the new Doom's future. If the Beyonder were to erase what the Doom from the past was going to do, it would erase what had already happened for the others, creating a collapse in time and space. Well, the beyonder is taken aback by this possibility, and does what any self-respecting surprised god would do: he separates Norm McArthur and Doom, banishes Doom to the first "Secret Wars", and then leaves.

Well, just when you thought it couldn't get anymore convoluted, Reed tells the gang that now that the Beyonder banished Doom from this time period back to the beginning of Secret Wars, it means that the Doom from the end of the Secret Wars is now going to reappear to complete the time loop and right the universe's sense of balance. The FF high-tail it out of there so they don't have to face Doom when he appears, and as they leave, the last panel shows Doom starting to come back to reality. Maybe someday the FF will face Doom again...maybe.

What I thought: You already know I hate this issue. It took forever to read, understand, and write about all the garbage in this issue. I could have lived with the Norm Doom storyline, but once the Beyonder showed up, and we got into the whole "time loop" fiasco, it became one giant headache. I will applaud the amount of exposition and ground that Byrne had to cover here. He had to retell the events of last issue, move the story along, introduce the Beyonder, recount the first Secret Wars series, and then explain how Doom had come back to life again.

I had some fine folks comment that Byrne was just doing stories that fit what was being dictated to him by editorial at the time, and after giving that consideration, I could see that type of reality come to life in this issue. If anything, this issue taught me a little comics equation. Event comics+time travel headaches+ Jerry curl velour suit Beyonder= Totally Bad Issue. It can be any comic, not just Fantastic Four, and that equation would still hold true. So until "Secret Wars III" comes out and totally blows my mind, vive le Fantastique!

Only Doom would commend someone on their sensuality before trying to murder them.

Fantastic Four #287

Fantastic Four #287-"Prisoner of the Flesh"

Cover Date: Feb 1986 Price $.75 (only 5 issues from last time and it's 10 cents more!)

Cover Tagline: "This is Peggy McArthur, average American housewife. In ten seconds, she will make a decision-- if it's the wrong one it will mean the end of the Fantastic Four!"

Writer/Artist: John Byrne

Story: We start this issue with the Amazing Reed Richards, leader of the world famous Fantastic Four, wearing cybernetic earmuff headgear. Reed is talking to Janet Van Dyne, the superheroine known as the Wasp. Richards and his family have been staying in the mansion headquarters of the Wasp's team, the Avengers, because Richards' base got blowed up real good. It would seem Reed has begun tinkering with the technology lying around Avengers mansion. The Wasp reminds Reed that the last place he built machines in is now a smoking crater, but apparently he doesn't see the humor in the situation. There's a fine line between wet blanket and totally aloof, and for as smart as Reed is, he can't see it....

Anyway, Reed explains that the machine he's working on has mapped out Dr. Doom's brain wave patterns, and can pick up his trail should the mad despot return. As Doom is supposedly dead at this point in history, Richards is proving why he's totally smart by preparing for the eventuality that Doom WILL indeed come back to life. That's some genius level foreshadowing!

As Mr. Fantastic and the Wasp finish doling out exposition, the ever dashing Susan Storm enters, claiming she's ready to hit the town. Apparently the Wasp made it a point to get Sue a hair appointment. The She-Hulk also enters the scene, and what started as a simple issue of Fantastic Four quickly begins to resemble a G-rated episode of "Sex and the City." As the lovely ladies and the seemingly pimp-like Reed Richards walk towards the foyer of the Avengers mansion, the aforementioned Doom Brainwave detector kicks on. Ah, it's like that old proverb: if a Doom Brainwave machine comes on, and no one's around to hear it, does it really detect anything?

We cut to the least manly scene ever, as the Wasp introduces Susan Storm to her hair stylist, Andre. In a convenient-to-the-plot detail, Andre is not only flamboyant, but he is also the personal stylist to the French Ambassador, leading them to have the hair appointment in the French Embassy. As the woman sing Andre's praises for cutting Sue's hair shorter than her brother Johnny's, there is a loud BOOM. It seems the embassy across the street, the Latverian Embassy, is under attack. In a strange twist, the attacker appears to be none other than the Invincible Man, a man who was originally the Super Skrull masquerading as Sue Storm's late father. Geez, how many people do you need to be masquerading as before it's just unnecessary? Seeing the Invincible Man is quite jarring for the 3 heroines, so they enact a perfectly executed masterpiece of tactics and battlefield strategy...yeah, they jump and punch him.

As Sue captures the Invincible Man in a force field, he bids her to stop, because he's only trying to help save lives. Sue relents, and the Invincible Man explains that he's attacking the Latverian Embassy because Dr. Doom is alive and well inside, and Doom is responsible for the deaths of his wife and baby. To gain Sue's trust, the Invincible Man points up to the window of the embassy, where a shadowy figure looms. It appears to be none other than Doom, so the 3 woman fall back to carefully plan their next move. Okay, not really they just rush the doors of the Embassy.

The scene shifts to a suburban neighborhood setting, where an old maid type woman is busy watching her "stories." As she's deeply engrossed, the door bell frantically begins to ring. The old lady opens up to find her exasperated neighbor, a young woman named Peggy (from the cover of the book!), clutching her baby and asking to come in. The old lady invites Peggy in, and asks why she's so frazzled. Peggy recounts the story that landed her the coveted spot on the very cover of this issue, saying that her husband Norm recently came home acting strange.

It seems Norm came home late and in a funk on the same day it was reported that Dr. Doom had attacked a Shop-Rite. The Norm that came home had a weird European accent and began tinkering with things in the basement. Norm tells his wife that she's a prisoner until further notice, which in this reviewers eyes isn't really that different from most suburban marriages. Norm makes a purple costume with a green hood, and it turns out that he is the one masquerading as the Invincible Man. Peggy sees her husband on TV in the costume he was making, and she and her elderly friend head for the Latverian Embassy.

The scene shifts back to the Embassy, as the Wasp, She-Hulk, and Invisible Woman bust in and fight a bunch of robots. Sue Storm follows the Invincible Man up the stairs as he tries to escape during the commotion. Stealthily following the Invincible Man, she stumbles upon none other than Doom himself. The two have a short conversation about how Sue is insolent for breaking in, and then Doom tries to blast her. Sue explodes the Doc, and it turns out that it wasn't really Doom, but one of his patented Doombots. In one of the more sadly funny scenes from the book, the Doombot yells "Squeee!" as it explodes from the inside out. Sue stands over the remains, saying out loud that the real Doom is dead. Of course stopping to talk to herself only leads her to getting shot in the back by the Invincible Man, who yells out "Doom never dies!" Are you starting pick up on the Norm/ the Invincible Man's real identity?

Sue uses her invisible powers to look under Norm's mask, and she doesn't recognize him, but she attacks him nonetheless. She drops a bunch of bricks on him, and as she is busy battling her purple foe, Norm's wife Peggy comes up from behind and ponders what she can do to help her husband. Peggy has an ethical dilemma, given her husband's recent actions and Sue Storm's heroic reputation, but decides to bash the Invisible Woman over the head with a vase. Storm gets knocked out, and Peggy goes over to comfort Norm, who reveals himself to be neither the Invincible Man or Norm, but actually THE REAL DR. DOOM!

Doom goes on to tell Peggy that he sent his evil consciousness into Norm's body before his own body was incinerated back in issue 260. Apparently Doom has the ability to send his consciousness into other beings, as we the editor's note tells us we learned from Fantastic Four #10. ...remember that? Come on, it was only like 20-some odd years before this. Peggy realizes she has made a mistake, and Doom says this was all his plan to lure the FF to the embassy. We end the issue with Johnny Storm trying to mack on Alicia Masters in a horse drawn carriage, only to be called away by his emergency signal watch. Man, can't a player catch a break?

What I Thought: I'm still utterly amazed by the fact that Byrne can write an issue of Fantastic Four that really only features one true member of the team, and has her in a situation where she goes from getting her hair done to fighting a dictator, and still he makes it feel like a normal FF comic. The variety that Byrne offers forth for the heroes in his run on this book is pretty imaginative, and I can see that many creators since have tried to duplicate his sense of scope. Of course, the part with Doom transferring his mind was a little lame, only because it didn't seem like a power he had used all that often. Having Doom use a power he hadn't mentioned in the last two hundred and sixty issues is kind of like Batman referencing some thing he did once in an old adventure from the 50's. Yeah, technically it happened in continuity at some point, but it doesn't mean it's still worth coming back to. Anyway, I've already gone and read the next issue, and from what I remember, it has a really confusing resolution. Be forewarned, it involves Secret Wars II and some type of time paradox. Until that French stylist Andre straightens up his act, Vive le Fantastique!