Fantastic Four #307

Fantastic Four #307- “Good-bye”
Cover Date/ Price: Oct 1987 $.75
Writer/ Artist- Steve Englehart/ John Buscema/ Joe Sinnott
Cover Tagline: “To Duel With Diablo”
Number of issues between last box pull: 10

What Happened: This fine looking issue starts with a trio of terrifically dressed travelers: Reed Richards, Sue Richards, and Franklin Richards as they get ready to depart from their lives as superheroes. It seems in the issues since I last read from “the box,” Reed and Sue have decided that it would be in the best interests of their young son to move to Connecticut and live a “normal” life.

As the Richards’ spend a few pages saying their goodbyes, we see that the Fantastic Four will continue on with some slight changes in membership. The new lineup will consist of Ben Grimm as the team leader, the Human Torch, the element controlling Inhuman known as Crystal, and the female powerhouse known as Ms. Marvel.


An unexpected lineup for sure, but it brings to mind a question: Which of these characters is the genius-level intellect that serves as a good replacement for Reed? The last time I checked, Crystal wasn’t very close to making her own ultimate nullifier…

Reed tells the Thing that he has earned the right to command the team, and Ben makes the former Mr. Fantastic promise that he won’t come back to save the day the first time the new team falters.

Meanwhile, Johnny flies off to go see his WIFE (I didn’t review that one, apparently…) Alicia Masters, and the two have a scintillating discussion about when the furniture for their apartment will arrive. I only mention it because it has some relevance later.

We cut to a scene at the hospital, where the super villain known as Diablo lies in head-to-toe bandages after being beaten in a near coma by Ms. Marvel last issue. While the doctors talk about the villains wounds, his thoughts reveal that he’s got another trick up his sleeve, well, actually another trick up his moustache.

Apparently Diablo keeps his magic potions all over his body, and he sucks on his moustache to give him a real pick-me-up (I don’t write em folks, I just read em…). The revived Diablo gives us a little history lesson about his life, and it turns out he is the master of Alchemy from a time long past. After he reminisces, he stands and swears revenge on Ms. Marvel…

We cut back to Johnny and Alicia’s love-nest, where the young man is startled by a loud crashing sound. It seems that an audio speaker has fallen into a glass table. Alicia feels embarrassed for breaking it, and swears the table wasn’t there a second ago (I guess her “radar sense” from issue #296 wore off). As Johnny uses his power to weld the glass back together, a purple monster emerges from the table! It turns out the table was possessed. Apparently the whole city is sharing this same wackiness, as the ground outside starts breaking apart and growing tentacles. Johnny decides this is a job for the Fantastic Four and rushes Alicia to safety at FF Plaza…

The new FF groups together, and Crystal realizes that the whole city transmuting could only be the work of the Diablo. As the team surveys the changes taking form, they see that the hospital where Diablo was staying has now taken the form of an old timey castle. As Ben and Ms. Marvel (who goes by the name Sharon Ventura at this point in comic continuity) attack the front door, Johnny and Crystal fly ahead to scout out what’s going on. While the Thing fights alongside the super strong Ms. Marvel, his thoughts reveal that an ongoing attraction for the red clad hottie. Distracted by her raucous attitude and taut bod, the Thing gets blindsided by one of Diablo’s monsters. Let this be a lesson, if you want to keep your head in the game, always hire an uggo to join your superteam instead of a stone cold fox…

We find Johnny and Crystal having similar luck, as the two former lovers argue with one another as they fight Diablo’s machinations inside the castle. Crystal is edgy because she is undergoing a rough patch in her own marriage, and Johnny is worried that she wants to impose upon his recent marriage to Alicia Masters. The two yell at each other some more, and Crystal runs off to face Diablo alone. Just then, Ben and Sharon break in, and the team joins up to face Diablo together.

The FF corner Diablo, and just as he is about to pull another potion from his moustache (So. Incredibly. Lame), Ms. Marvel grabs him and foils his dastardly plan. The big D gives up, and much like the ending to an episode of Scooby-Doo, he is quickly carted away by the authorities. If it wasn’t for those meddling superheroes….

We end the issue with the team chillaxin at FF Plaza (because that’s what people do there!), noting that they once they actually worked together like a team, Diablo didn’t stand a chance. You think most of these characters would have learned that lesson about 300 issues ago, but I guess it’s always nice for a refresher….

What I Thought: I honestly NEVER knew about this incarnation of the team, and that made it a total blast to read this issue. Although a lot of time is spent with Reed and Sue saying goodbye, there is an actually feeling that they’re leaving the team for a while. Of course, any real comics fan knows that a team member’s departure is going to be short lived, but it always livens things up to bring in some new blood for a while.

I will say that in reality, a person probably wouldn’t assemble a team of exes to serve alongside them in their superheroic purposes. While it lends itself to drama for the readers, I’m just a little unsure that a group like this would work out. It’s almost too much of a forced soap opera spin, but at least in this instance I was kind of hooked.

Overall, this issue felt like a really entertaining Saturday morning cartoon. There are some interesting little character interactions, we get the villain’s backstory in a quickie flashback (which is great because I didn’t know anything about Diablo), and the “fight” is wrapped up in a neat little package. There’s even the whole “lesson” type epilogue, a la “Saved by the Bell.”

I haven’t looked ahead to see which issue is next from “the box,” but I hope it still features this team. While I don’t think I’ll ever stomach an FF team that features a full time aberration of the original lineup, I always like to see the rise and fall of these substitute teams. So until Diablo decides to shave off his moustache, vive le fantastique!

Hello Nurse!

Fantastic Four #296

Fantastic Four 296-“Homecoming”
Nov 1986 $1.50 (Dang! For 1986, it better be worth it!)
Writer/ Artist- Jim Shooter/ Stan Lee/ Barry Windsor-Smith/Kerry Gammill/ Ron Frenz/ Al Milgrom/ John Buscema/ Marc Silvestri / Jerry Ordway
Cover Tagline: “The World’s Greatest Comic Magazine”
Number of issues since last box pull: 5

(Editor’s Note- Today’s review will continue the trend of chronicling my journey through a box of 163 Fantastic Four comics. Unlike the “staying current” or “Thinking outside the box” posts, this comic was included in my original set purchased from eBay. The box is not one complete run, in fact there are some large gaps between issues. But part of the fun of randomly skipping through continuity is seeing just how much the FF has changed over the years!)

What happened: This 25th anniversary issue opens with Benjamin Grimm doing his best “Ninja Turtles Disguise” impression and walking around in the pouring rain in the city of Stockton.As the gargantuan figures stalks the night like some kind of emo version of Andre the Giant, a car accidentally runs into him due to the low visibility. The driver checks on Ben to see if he’s okay, and the Thing tells the driver to scram. Once again, nobody writes The Thing like Stan Lee:

Anyway, we find out that the Thing is back in Stockton because that’s where the FF’s ship originally crash landed after it was hit with cosmic rays. If you’ve never seen the FF’s origin, than this is a comic for you (and you probably haven’t been paying attention to superhero culture anytime in the past 60 years).

After he finishes reminiscing, Ben bemoans his fate as the monstrous Thing, and decides that his best course of action is to flee humanity and go live on Monster Island. Accordingly, he has his pilot buddy drop him off in the middle of the ocean, and he makes his way ashore.

We cut to the sunny setting of Los Angeles California, where Reed Richards, Sue Storm, and Johnny Storm are hot on Ben’s trail (after scanning for his brain waves!), trying to find out what happened to him. The “tremendous three” ambush the pilot that dropped Ben in the middle of the sea, and we find out the man’s name is Hopper Hertnecky. Old Hopper tells Reed and co. that they’ve never really cared about Ben, and that the Thing finally decided that he couldn’t live among men anymore. Man, that pilot sure doesn’t mince words…

Skipping over the b-story of the issue, Reed decides that if Ben wants to live with monsters, that’s fine. He just wants to have one last “man-to-man” talk with his friend, and then he can let go of the guilt of not being able to cure the Thing of his rocky form. Reed, Sue, and Johnny get ready for adventure, all while telling the very dismayed She-Hulk and Alicia Masters to sit this one out.

The F3 make it to Monster Island and land the Fantasti-Car by the mouth of the cave. As they get out they are ambushed by (you guessed it!) monsters. The Fantasti-Car is literally smashed to bits by a giant creature and the F3 escape into the cave. I guess they’ll be staying at Monster Island for a while too!

The 3 continue to fight monsters until they are overwhelmed within the bowels of the island. Their only saving grace….Ben Grimm, dressed like an unholy hybrid the Mole Man and 80’s pop icon Prince!

“Purple Rain Thing” explains that the Mole Man and he are now best friends, and that he serves as a security officer of sorts for Monster Island. The Mole Man, acting very much like a jealous lover, is distrusting of the appearance of the 3, and tells the Thing not to trust his former teammates. The Mole Man then leaves to go get some “treatments” and Ben shows the F3 around the island. After showing them the Koi pond and Jamba Juice kiosk, Ben reveals the grand finale: the Mole Man’s burrowing machine!

If you didn’t know where this comic was going before, you should now…

Anyway, Mole Man finds out about the “unauthorized” tour Ben gave the F3, and once again throws a “jealous girlfriend” sized hissy. Thankfully the MM’s whining is interrupted by some guards who have captured a spy. The spy turns out to be none other than Alicia Masters. If you’re not laughing right now, you should be.

Apparently everyone’s favorite surly pilot Hopper dropped off Alicia so she could “explore” the island. I mean, what kind of man wouldn’t say no to dropping a blind chick off on an island full of monsters? Alicia is injured (probably from monster bites, running into walls, and falling into chasms), so the MM sets her up in sick bay.

In a scene that should quall some of the recent debate here at FF Plaza, Alicia and Ben finally talk about the fact that she’s shacking up with Johnny. While I’m a big fan of “Team Benlicia”, (which sounds way more family friendly than "Team AlJohnny") Ms. Masters herself tells the Thing that he is too self-loathing for her, and that Johnny makes her feel special. Although Alicia might be a Skrull at this point in continuity, we’ll count this as a possible rational for her getting it on with her “lil Stormy boy.”

Cutting to the chase, Reed discovers the Mole Man’s burrowing machine is going to shift the tectonic plates, cause a giant weather related catastrophe, and kill lots of people. The Mole creatures attack the F3, and in one of the best scenes ever, turn Johnny into a complete uggo:

The F3 try and leave the island, and the Thing goes to find the Mole Man for some answers. When Ben finds MM, he sees that his “treatments” have been trips to a holographic dream world full of tall martinis and sexy dames. This leaves the Thing to question the Mole Man’s true loyalties.

The Thing decides that the MM ain’t all he cracked up to be, and goes back to help the F3. The reunited Fantastic Four destroy the drill, repel the monsters, and reverse Johnny’s mutation. The story ends with the team, along with Alicia and Hopper, adrift in the middle of the sea.


What I Thought: This comic was a really mixed bag. The fact that it was ANOTHER oversized issue made for quite a harrowing experience to read through at times. Seeing the FF’s origin rehashed over and over again is starting to grate on this reviewer, but it will be forgiven this time around due to the comic’s purpose as a milestone marker.

I think the weakest part of this issue overall was the plotting by Jim Shooter. The story was pretty standard, and though it was kind of shocking to see the FF get truly snippy with the Thing, it was pretty clear how it would all turn out. And while the whole part with Johnny getting disfigured was shoehorned into a cool moment of realization for the thing, I for one wish he could have stayed a monster for a while longer.

And then there’s the whole idea of Alicia sneaking onto the island to try and find Ben. It was just hilariously idiotic, and yes, that’s coming from a grown man talking about a comic book. Seriously, with her superior exploration skills, maybe Alicia Masters could take over for the blind hero Daredevil if he ever quits (that’s a photoshopped picture waiting to happen).

As you can see from the info at the beginning of the review, there were quite a few artists brought in for this issue. With some of the biggest names in comics at the time (and all of whom could now be considered “ modern legends”), the art is the high point of this issue. Even though each artist has his own undeniable style, the transitions between pages are never jarring, and a smooth look is maintained throughout the book. The complete absence of advertisements (hence the outrageous price) helps to maintain the integrity of the art as well.

And finally, it comes as no surprise that a majority of this issue focuses on the ever-lovin blue eyed Thing. We finally get some kind of resolution to the Ben/Alicia/Johnny drama, and the seeds for She-Hulk exiting so the Thing can come back to the team are sown. This issue also marks the point in my “box” adventures that I’ve moved beyond the John Byrne material, as he had gone to DC at this time to work on the relaunch of Superman. I for one will miss Byrne’s issues, and recommend his run to anyone who has an interest in the FF.

So until Johnny becomes the ugly one on the team, vive le fantastique!

That makes two of us, Ben.