Staying Current Quickie! Fantastic Four #588

Fantastic Four #588-“Three ,Epilogue- A Month of Mourning”
Cover Date April 2011 Price $3.99
Writer/ Artist-Jonathan Hickman/ Nick Dragotta
Cover Tagline: “Final Issue"

What Happened: I'm going to forgo the usual longwinded summary, because frankly, I didn't like this issue. I'll get to that in a second, but let me sum up what happens. This issue deals with the fallout of the death of Johnny Storm, but does so without the use of dialogue. Told in snapshots from a "month of mourning", we as readers are treated to a visual feast by artist Nick Dragotta.

As the month rolls along, we see Sue push Reed away, Reed threaten Annihilus with the Ultimate Nullifier, and the Thing throw down with Thor and Hulk all in the name of grief. Doom even appears in a few spots, having lost his position as ruler of Latveria to his successor Kristoff Vernard. We also find out that the kids of the Future Foundation have a new mission: "Kill Annihilus." And finally we're treated to a backup tale featuring the Amazing Spider-Man consoling young Franklin Richards with his own tales of loss. The cliffhanger of the issue? Nathaniel Richards, the time-hopping father of Mr. Fantastic, appears from a temporal vortex, and with him comes word balloons.

What I Thought: So why didn't I like this issue? Well, it's the words "Final Issue" that really get to me. When I think "final issue" of a series as iconic as Fantastic Four, I tend towards delusions of grandeur, as if somehow everything that could be said about these characters is stated with such climatic fashion that you can't help but feel a sense of closure. Instead, this "final issue" feels like nothing but a stop along the way. While the new Future Foundation series (which starts this month) spins directly out of the events of this issue, I fear for the longevity of the concept. I almost feel as if Marvel could have done a "Future Foundation" maxi-arc (that sounds so wrong) within the pages of the Fantastic Four title and all would be well.

But I shouldn't be surprised. The FF have been canceled and relaunched before, and they tend to even out in the long run. It's just this time the gimmick is hurting an otherwise great story (Hickman's epic) instead of inflating a mediocre money grab ("Heroes Reborn"). I've said it again and again that Hickman's bigger story is something to behold, and Marvel wants to market it in all the wrong ways. But then again, I'm buying all the issues, so maybe they're on to something.

And it's not to say this story was awful by any means. It was perfectly acceptable and at times downright heartfelt. The choice to use a completely visual bookend to the series is a rather interesting idea. I hated the art upon first look, but I soon realized that Dragotta's Gene Colan-esque style is meant to be a homage of sorts to Fantastic Four co-creator Jack Kirby. While I would have preferred Steve Epting completing the entire "3" arc, I can appreciate how Dragotta plays a vital role in the storytelling here. Heck, without the dialogue, the pressure is squarely on his shoulders.
As for the "future" (little pun there) , Hickman has promised a lot of the stories from Fantastic Four will be tying up in the relaunched title. Plots such as the Valeria/Doom deal, the war of the 4 cities, and Franklin's status in the MU are finally going to come to a head. Now if we can get some more Namor/ Sue moments, I may forget how I felt about this issue. So until "dead means dead" isn't an insanely laughable notion, vive la fantastique!

(Video Review) Staying Current- Fantastic Four #585

Fantastic Four #307

Fantastic Four #307- “Good-bye”
Cover Date/ Price: Oct 1987 $.75
Writer/ Artist- Steve Englehart/ John Buscema/ Joe Sinnott
Cover Tagline: “To Duel With Diablo”
Number of issues between last box pull: 10

What Happened: This fine looking issue starts with a trio of terrifically dressed travelers: Reed Richards, Sue Richards, and Franklin Richards as they get ready to depart from their lives as superheroes. It seems in the issues since I last read from “the box,” Reed and Sue have decided that it would be in the best interests of their young son to move to Connecticut and live a “normal” life.

As the Richards’ spend a few pages saying their goodbyes, we see that the Fantastic Four will continue on with some slight changes in membership. The new lineup will consist of Ben Grimm as the team leader, the Human Torch, the element controlling Inhuman known as Crystal, and the female powerhouse known as Ms. Marvel.


An unexpected lineup for sure, but it brings to mind a question: Which of these characters is the genius-level intellect that serves as a good replacement for Reed? The last time I checked, Crystal wasn’t very close to making her own ultimate nullifier…

Reed tells the Thing that he has earned the right to command the team, and Ben makes the former Mr. Fantastic promise that he won’t come back to save the day the first time the new team falters.

Meanwhile, Johnny flies off to go see his WIFE (I didn’t review that one, apparently…) Alicia Masters, and the two have a scintillating discussion about when the furniture for their apartment will arrive. I only mention it because it has some relevance later.

We cut to a scene at the hospital, where the super villain known as Diablo lies in head-to-toe bandages after being beaten in a near coma by Ms. Marvel last issue. While the doctors talk about the villains wounds, his thoughts reveal that he’s got another trick up his sleeve, well, actually another trick up his moustache.

Apparently Diablo keeps his magic potions all over his body, and he sucks on his moustache to give him a real pick-me-up (I don’t write em folks, I just read em…). The revived Diablo gives us a little history lesson about his life, and it turns out he is the master of Alchemy from a time long past. After he reminisces, he stands and swears revenge on Ms. Marvel…

We cut back to Johnny and Alicia’s love-nest, where the young man is startled by a loud crashing sound. It seems that an audio speaker has fallen into a glass table. Alicia feels embarrassed for breaking it, and swears the table wasn’t there a second ago (I guess her “radar sense” from issue #296 wore off). As Johnny uses his power to weld the glass back together, a purple monster emerges from the table! It turns out the table was possessed. Apparently the whole city is sharing this same wackiness, as the ground outside starts breaking apart and growing tentacles. Johnny decides this is a job for the Fantastic Four and rushes Alicia to safety at FF Plaza…

The new FF groups together, and Crystal realizes that the whole city transmuting could only be the work of the Diablo. As the team surveys the changes taking form, they see that the hospital where Diablo was staying has now taken the form of an old timey castle. As Ben and Ms. Marvel (who goes by the name Sharon Ventura at this point in comic continuity) attack the front door, Johnny and Crystal fly ahead to scout out what’s going on. While the Thing fights alongside the super strong Ms. Marvel, his thoughts reveal that an ongoing attraction for the red clad hottie. Distracted by her raucous attitude and taut bod, the Thing gets blindsided by one of Diablo’s monsters. Let this be a lesson, if you want to keep your head in the game, always hire an uggo to join your superteam instead of a stone cold fox…

We find Johnny and Crystal having similar luck, as the two former lovers argue with one another as they fight Diablo’s machinations inside the castle. Crystal is edgy because she is undergoing a rough patch in her own marriage, and Johnny is worried that she wants to impose upon his recent marriage to Alicia Masters. The two yell at each other some more, and Crystal runs off to face Diablo alone. Just then, Ben and Sharon break in, and the team joins up to face Diablo together.

The FF corner Diablo, and just as he is about to pull another potion from his moustache (So. Incredibly. Lame), Ms. Marvel grabs him and foils his dastardly plan. The big D gives up, and much like the ending to an episode of Scooby-Doo, he is quickly carted away by the authorities. If it wasn’t for those meddling superheroes….

We end the issue with the team chillaxin at FF Plaza (because that’s what people do there!), noting that they once they actually worked together like a team, Diablo didn’t stand a chance. You think most of these characters would have learned that lesson about 300 issues ago, but I guess it’s always nice for a refresher….

What I Thought: I honestly NEVER knew about this incarnation of the team, and that made it a total blast to read this issue. Although a lot of time is spent with Reed and Sue saying goodbye, there is an actually feeling that they’re leaving the team for a while. Of course, any real comics fan knows that a team member’s departure is going to be short lived, but it always livens things up to bring in some new blood for a while.

I will say that in reality, a person probably wouldn’t assemble a team of exes to serve alongside them in their superheroic purposes. While it lends itself to drama for the readers, I’m just a little unsure that a group like this would work out. It’s almost too much of a forced soap opera spin, but at least in this instance I was kind of hooked.

Overall, this issue felt like a really entertaining Saturday morning cartoon. There are some interesting little character interactions, we get the villain’s backstory in a quickie flashback (which is great because I didn’t know anything about Diablo), and the “fight” is wrapped up in a neat little package. There’s even the whole “lesson” type epilogue, a la “Saved by the Bell.”

I haven’t looked ahead to see which issue is next from “the box,” but I hope it still features this team. While I don’t think I’ll ever stomach an FF team that features a full time aberration of the original lineup, I always like to see the rise and fall of these substitute teams. So until Diablo decides to shave off his moustache, vive le fantastique!

Hello Nurse!

Staying Current(ish) Fantastic Four #581

Fantastic Four 581:“When Everything’s Lost, the Battle is Won”
Cover Date/Price : September 2010 $3.99 (still bitter about the newsstand price….)
Writer/Artist: Johnathan Hickman/ Neil Edwards
Cover Tagline: “All Hope Lies in Doom”

(Editor’s Note- As the famous line says, “brevity is the soul of wit.” …Well, I just got the memo. So I’ll try and keep this post as short as I can, while still giving you a maximum dosage of FF-related goodness.)

What Happened: This issue starts off with a nod to issue #574 (as well as a glimpse into the future!), which featured Franklin’s birthday party. In that issue, a future version of Franklin visited his younger self and the younger version of his sister Valeria and distributed some B-day “gifts.” To his sister, the older Franklin revealed the war of the 4 cities was coming, and to himself he restored his mutant world shaping powers. I guess Val got the short end of the stick on that one.

We catch up with future Frank and find out he’s in cahoots with future Val. While this reveal isn’t huge in nature, it at least tells us Val lives to see tomorrow(and grows up to be a stunner).

As far as big reveals, the next page shows who’s really pulling the temporal strings…

… it’s none other than Nathaniel Richards, the time-hopping father of Mr. Fantastic (and grandpa to Franklin and Val)!
It appears Grandpa Richards has some scheme going, and future Franklin is creating a pocket dimension for them all to escape into once the plan has been enacted.

We cut to a scene in the distant past at the world famous “State University.” Within a class a lively ethical debate rages between two students, Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom. On the subject of “what is right?”, Reed offers that what is best for all is right, while Doom posits that not all are equal, so what is best for the upper echelon is what’s best.

As Reed leaves his lecture, he meets up with his best friend and possible Archie comic reject (look at that sweater!) Ben Grimm. As Ben and Reed have the cliché “you’re not going to spend all weekend in the lab!” jock-to-nerd discussion, a man suddenly teleports into the room with them. It turns out that it’s everybody’s favorite time altering deadbeat dad, and by-default star of this review, Nathaniel Richards!

Nathaniel reveals that he has been involved in a temporal mishap, which involved an exploding “quantum power source.” Because he was near the source of the power, every Nathaniel Richards from every reality was transported to the same point in time, hundreds of thousands of years in the future. In this time, the villain known as Immortus ruled the Earth.

As the resident “time cop”, Immortus declared that all the Nathaniels in one time period was bad for reality as a whole and that much like Highlander, there could “be only one.” So in other words, it was open season on all Nathaniel Richards, and the “great hunt” began, with Nathaniel Richardses (not a typo) killing themselves off left and right. Shhh..be vewy qwiet, I'm hunting Wichardses! And now we get to the crux of the matter: there are only two Nathaniel Richards’ left, and now they are headed for a showdown.

Reed, being dismayed by the news that his own dad is going to fight himself to the death, says that maybe Victor can help. He goes to Doom for help, and Doom makes him grovel accordingly.

Doom gives Ben Grimm a power suit to wear (a nice nod to his future as the Thing), while he dons a familiar looking piece of protective headgear.

The crew heads to the future and finds the alternate Nathaniel Richards waiting for them….

What I Thought: Since the beginning of the “Heroic Age”, the stories in this book have taken on a much smaller scope. I know Hickman is actually in the middle of a big 30 issue arc that he mapped out, but after last month’s “filler-esque” Arcade issue, this plot feels a bit generic as well. But with this issue tying into #574 (which seemed like filler when I read it in December), and the mysterious quantum power source mishap that Nathaniel mentioned, I have a feeling this story is going to pay off at some point down the road.

Having that said, it was still a decent read. The characterizations of Doom and Reed in college were perfect, if not predictable, with each taking that hard idealist line for his own cause. Hickman writes one smug and arrogant Doom, with a certain sense of charm that makes you want to read about him more. It’s reminiscent of Lex Luthor: the guy’s a jerk, but you love to hate him.

I should just do a “cut and paste” review of the art for every month that Neil Edwards stays on this book, because he is consistently great. With this issue, Edwards officially moved beyond a “fill-in” in my mind, and has my sincere vote for the ongoing artist whenever it is Steve Epting leaves. With increasing shades of Bryan Hitch and Michael Turner, Edwards has the ability to successfully mix realistic character design with a science fiction frame. The one thing I will say against Edwards is that many of his panels have little to no background art, but even this helps to focus on the characters a little more.

Overall, this was pretty standard FF-Fare. But that’s not a slam. With good Doom moments, an easy to follow plot, and a quick sense of pacing, I’m eagerly looking forward to seeing who will come out victorious in the “great hunt.” I’m guessing the winner will be Nathaniel Richards, but don’t hold me to that. So until all my alternate reality duplicates have a fight to the death, vive le fantastique!

Thinking Outside the Box: Fantastic Four #277

(Editor's Note- For those of you out there who don't yet know my story, this blog started as a way for me to document my journey as I navigate my way through a giant box of Fantastic Four comics that I won on eBay. Although I've always had a mild interest in the team, buying such a large lot of their comics at once ignited within me a mad desire to go back and buy any and all of the other FF comics I can get my hands on. For those comics bought after the initial box of 163, I confer upon them "outside the box" status.)

Fantastic Four #277-"Full Circle"
Cover Date: APR 1985 Price $.65
Cover Tagline: "The World's Greatest Comic Magazine" Writer/Artist: John Byrne


What Happened: For details on what happened in the beginning of this storyline, please follow this link. This story picks up pretty much where #276 left off, but in a rather interesting manner. Told entirely in "split-screen", this issue is like two full plots for the price of one. Or at the very least, it's like 2 player Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64. Yeah, it's that exciting.


In the top half story, we get the return of Ben Grimm, a.k.a the superhero known as the Thing, to Earth from the Planet of the "Secret Wars." The Thing is back and for some reason wearing boots and a black unitard, and his first order of business is to visit his longtime gal friend Alicia Masters. Of course, Ben opens Alicia's door to find none other than his supposed best friend Johnny Storm shacking up with her. In a moment that's been a long time coming, Ben calls Johnny out for being the player that he is.



The two argue, and of course, Alicia breaks it up. Alicia slaps Grimm (proving she really is blind), and tells him that it's more than hanky-panky, she actually loves Johnny. While the Thing never intended to actually get back together with Alicia, he feels slighted that he wasn't even able to express this to her without the "love struck Romeo" getting in the way.


As the lover's triangle heats up, Ben notices that something weird is going on . He turns to see strange happenings with the Sun. Apparently an alien world is hurling towards the Earth. Talk about the best moment ever for a distraction. As Ben, Johnny, and Alicia wonder what's going on, the entire Earth begins to shake. The two heroes spring into action,as Ben rushes off to help people and Johnny goes to drop Alicia off at the Baxter Building. While there, Johnny meets up with she-Hulk and the always politically incorrect Wyatt Wingfoot, who tells him that reports of damage are coming in from all over, meaning that the new planet in the sky is quite a threat. Johnny tells everyone to hang tight, and flies off. Alicia yells for her darling to be careful, revealing that her Johnny got a "thang" going on. This prompts She-Hulk to ask the obvious question: What will Ben think?! And Alicia mentions he just found out. At these revelations, She-Hulk realizes her time with the FF may be coming to a close...


We shift back to the Thing talking to a hottie on the street, asking if she needs help (because it's always more fun to save hot people), and she tells him that the "world-merge" is happening as she transforms into a really ugly orange creature. The creature shoots a tentacle into the Thing's head, and he realizes it must be a "Dire Wraith." Of course! That's totally logical?????

Anyway, the Wraith promptly passes out, and we find out that its entire planet has been destroyed by a space station. The editor's note tells us to read Rom #65 for details. Did you know this was some kind of crossover issue? Surprise! neither did I....

Any way, the top story ends with She-Hulk saying she will leave the team now that Ben has returned, even though it saddens her to do so. Ben tells her not to worry, because he doesn't want his job back. Apparently his new boots (and unitard) were made for walkin!

The Bottom half of the story is more of a direct continuation of the main story from last issue (as well as the video review). Last issue ended with Dr. Strange, Marvel's master of magic, feeling a great disturbance in the force, and flying off to combat the problem. As his story opens, he finds that the small Connecticut town that was attacked last issue is smoldering and surrounded by police. Strange approaches the cops disguised as an average doctor, just lending a hand, and is shocked to find that there are a few dead bodies laying on the street- those of Reed, Sue, and Franklin Richards.

As strange is taken aback by the fact that the heroes seem all but lost (and I'm taken aback by the fact that Sue is in her underwear for some reason), everyone's favorite paranoid budinski Mrs. Chalmers shows up to tell the police that her neighbors were really demons in disguise. Strange's interest is piqued, and Chalmers reveals that she hired the exorcist Elspeth Cromwell to dispatch the evil pretenders...

We cut to a scene of Susan Richards (no longer in her undies but in full FF gear) being tortured in Hades by Mephisto, Marvel Comics answer to the Devil. As any good husband would, Reed tells Mephisto to get his brimstone scorched hands off his wife. Mephisto goes onto show Reed whose boss, in a comically frightening manner, by stretching his face like silly puddy.

And like any good wife (geez, Reed and Sue love each other, we get it), Sue yells at Mephisto to stop, before he kills Reed. Old Phisty says that deaths not a problem anymore, and proves it by impaling the Invisible Woman on a stalactite, or stalagmite, or big poky thing. As she writhes in pain, Dr. Strange appears to help the FF. Phisty knocks the good Dr. back, and Strange realizes the demon is getting a power boost from a nearby crystal. Strange then notices that the crystal contains none other than Franklin Richards. Strange goes to free Frankie, and Reed realizes that Mephisto is afraid of the lad.

Reed also realizes that the FF aren't actually dead, but just in a mental form of their bodies, and that's why they're in their uniforms and not their underwear. Strange blows open the crystal, and Frankie wakes up in a haze. Mephisto goes to clobber the boy, but then this happens:



Franklin, as a powerful reality shaping mutant, literally wishes Mephisto away.


Well, the FF wake up from death, and Dr. Strange lets Mrs. Chalmers know that she severely misjudged her neighbors. He also says that Mephisto probably isn't gone for good, and may be back someday to ruin Spider-Man's marriage in a poorly-conceived and divisive storyline. Oh, and by the way, Elspeth Cromwell doesn't wake up. Ding Dong, the witch hunters dead, and it's pretty much thanks to Mrs. Chalmers....


What I Thought: Normally, my thinking outside the box reviews won't be this long, but I'm glad to say that this was one of the best issues I've read of FF since I started buying heinous amounts of them.

I think what made this issue so satisfying was that it tied up a few storylines with an urgent sense of pacing. We FINALLY see the Johnny/Ben/Alicia thing come to a head, the Mephisto story gets a quick ending, and even the worst part of the story (the Rom tie-in) is brushed aside inconsequentially enough for it to be ignored. The split-screen storytelling may seem cheap and gimmicky, but at least it's something different. I've stated many times that John Byrne did a lot of different things during his time with the FF, and this issue is another example. I feel like a broken record saying that but it's true. I mean seeing Mephisto torturing the FF in Hades is something I don't exactly expect from my monthly FF comics, but Byrne used the situation to allow the characterizations of Reed, Sue, and Franklin to really shine.

Well that's it for now. I start my summer vacation tomorrow night, so I hope to unveil a new feature or two here within the week!!! See you soon, and until unitards become cool, vive le fantastique!

Did you even know we were at war?

Fantastic Four #282

Fantastic Four #282-"Inwards to Infinity!"
Cover Date: Sept. 1985 Price $.65 (Reaganomics are kicking in!)
Cover Tagline: "Inwards to Infinity!"
Writer/ Artist: John Byrne


We begin the issue with a splash page of Franklin running through a pile of rubble and yelling for his daddy. There's also a quote from Moby Dick included, but I didn't read it, because I hate when media uses literary quotes to try and "class up" whatever form of junk entertainment they're really presenting (see the TV show "Criminal Minds" for a weekly example). As Franklin runs through the rubble of what appears to be New York City, a bunch of planets appear in the sky and then some spaceships blow each other up. A giant Lizard/alien/dinosaur (Lizaliosaur- I made that up) thing appears and scares the youngest Richards.

The Lizaliosaur follows Frankie for a few more pages, and his cries for help go seemingly unaided. As Lizaliosaur closes in, some beams off energy hit its (gender neutral because it reproduces Asexually- copyright Kello) face, and steam envelopes it and Franklin is whisked away to safety by what appears to be a piece of rainbow. Franklin lands in a forest, and meets an ailing creature that can only be described as a mix of DC's Firestorm and a My Little Pony (a 15/85 ratio, respectively). This all sounds really masculine, doesn't it?

Franklin asks Ponystorm if it's okay, and it can't speak. All of a sudden, Franklin sees some shadowy figures standing on a ledge above them, and it turns out that it's Marvel's wascaly band of pint sized heroes known as the Power Pack. The Power Pack, for those of you who don't know, are a group of kids who decided to wear matching jammies and form a superteam. Franklin tells the PP that he's in trouble, and their leader tells them to grab his hand. But just as Franklin reaches out, the scene fades out in a blur of white.

We turn the page and find out it was all an elaborate dream. Frankie gets up to tell his parents, Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman, about the craziness. At this point the FF's headquarters were being repaired after getting blown up by Doctor Doom, so they were staying with the Avengers. Aww, "like a good neighbor", the Avengers are there. Franklin rides the elevator down to the lab, where he sees his dad feverishly working with the She-Hulk (those two spent a lot of time together in the lab. I wonder...NO! Put the thought of your head, Kello...). He's rebuilding something called a Reducto-Craft, which will allow the FF to chase down the Psycho Man.

Reed, She-hulk, and Johnny Storm discuss whether they should be chasing after the Psycho at all, given that the Beyonder has come to Earth. Did I mention this issue is a tie-in to Secret Wars II, the most unnecessary sequel since Speed 2? Sue Richards interjects that the FF better be going after the Psycho Man, because he has committed such heinous crimes against her. In an issue I didn't read, the Psycho Man went in and violated Sue's soul somehow, and she wants revenge.

Franklin busts in to tell his dad about the nightmare, and Sue yells at him to go back to bed. Obviously, she's acting in a manner which some people from the 1950's would call "hysterical." Reed defends Franklin, but then sends him with the Avenger's butler Jarvis to appease his angry wife (he really is smart, isn't he?). Even Johnny thinks Sue is acting weird, and he's as daft as they come...

Anyway, the Reducto-Craft is finally ready, and Reed tells Sue that following the Psycho Man will take top priority over the Beyonder, because other heroes like Alpha Flight are on the case. The team gets in the Reducto-Craft, which looks like a Landspeeder from Star Wars with a transparent bubble top. The FF get set, and the craft begins to shrink...next stop Micro-verse! Reed begins to navigate through the sub-atomic particles, but the craft is inexplicably out of control, as if it's being pulled by some force. He lands the craft, the team gets out, and Johnny notices that the Microverse looks different from the last time they were all there. He flames on, and goes to investigate, and is captured by a giant pair of tongs. It turns out that the Psycho Man set up a trap for the team, and he captures them all and puts them in test tubes. The team thought he wouldn't be able to change shapes in the Microverse, but they were wrong....perhaps dead wrong.

Well, the series goes on for about 25 more years and 300 issues, so "dead wrong" is probably a little overdramatic.

What I thought- To be honest, I really liked this issue when I first read it. but upon further review, I realized that way too many pages are devoted to Franklin's nightmare. Seriously, there are 9 pages of him having this surreal dream, and then there is absolutely no resolution to it save for his mom yelling at him. Obviously, there is a lot of foreshadowing, and it's meant to set up a future storyline involving the Power Pack, but Byrne could have done in 5 pages or less.

As far as Sue's issues with the Psycho Man, it sounds like whatever went down was pretty intense. The best way I can describe what she describes is "soul rape." But Sue acting all vengeful and out of character is classic FF. I mean think about it, that's where we get like half the stories from, right? It's like "hey what's wrong with Johnny? He's acting like he's possessed by El Diablo", or "Reed's acting as weird as Doom...wait a minute, he IS Doom!" As I make my way through "the box", I'm trying to pick up on these trends in storylines. In the hands of less capable writers, they're quite obvious and forced. With Byrne it's at least passably entertaining.

Until Marvel apologizes for Secret Wars II, vive le fantastique!

Fantastic Four #276

Fantastic Four #275

Fantastic Four #275-"The Naked Truth"

Cover Date: Feb 1985 Price $.60

Cover Quote: "Hey guys--what's big and green and has a staple in her navel?"

Writer/Artist -Johny Byrne

(Editor's note- this is pretty much a farce of a comic. Any unbelievable situations described by the reviewer are in fact true to the story, which is credited as Kevin Nowlan's idea.)

We begin this issue with a splash page of She-Hulk sunbathing on the top of the Baxter Building. While the Buxom beauty lies with a towel, jean shorts, and a smile, we cut to a sleazy photographer and his pilot friend circling the jade giantess in a helicopter. The chopper pulls in close, sending a large amount of wind the She -Hulk's way. Her towel goes flying, and the photog gets the money shot he hoped for. Wow, that's the craziest 2 pages ever in a FF comic. And they've seen some messed up stuff!

She-Hulk, feeling as if her privacy has been violated, retaliates by jumping on the chopper. As the pilot tries to shake his hanger-on, everyone's favorite Atlanta Brave single tear shedding Native American cliche Wyatt Wingfoot (who had rejected his role of Chief to live a life of adventure) emerges from the Baxter Building, scantily clad and looking for the She-Hulk. Apparently he was going to do some sunbathing himself, either that or her was doing a really excellent unarmored Peter Rasputin impression. Seeing the chopper situation, Wingfoot gets a small "Fantasti-speeder" (copyright me!) and gives chase.

In a really well-executed scene, the She-Hulk is thrown from the chopper and flies through a high rise office. Wyatt comes to her aid, and by the time they get their wits about them the copter is gone. The two head back to the Baxter Building and decide to fight this battle using not brawn, but the She-Hulk's superhuman ultra lawyer powers. Juris prudence away!!

The She Hulk calls the radio station that the copter belongs to (it was a Traffic Copter), asking if they could tell her where it touches down. The surprisingly forthright station manager gives her the name of the private airstrip, and advances the plot rather quickly for the 2 panels in which he appears. I don't know about you, but I usually have to make like 4 phone calls whenever I have errands to take care,of, and one of those calls ends up being with some guy in India who HAS to read from a script and pretend that he has no personality.

So Shulkie and Wyatt find the pilot, threaten him, and find out who bought the photos-a yet unnamed source. But from this scene we jump to Alicia Masters' apartment, where she is walking down the stairs with her Sinead O Connor haircut and no pants. Normally those two things could be excused by the fact that she's blind, but she appears to be doing the classic "walk of shame." Alicia is calling out for Johnny Storm, a.k.a. the Human Torch, who is waiting with the "morning after" coffee at the bottom of the stairs. Alicia is the ex-girlfriend of the Thing, who is Johnny's best friend and teammate. The Thing at this point has not returned to the ranks of the FF because he's off having other adventures, and Johnny and Alicia have grown quite close in his absence.

Johnny tells Alicia he's sorry about last night feels like he took advantage of their friendship, she assures him that they're grown ups and they can do what and or who they want. Okay, she's more eloquent then that, but seeing these two together in this situation made me want to rip this issue to shreds. It was one of those moments where I felt like the Thing was really my friend, and I had to stand up for him...that's really dumb.

So back in the other sexually related plot thread, the She-Hulk is going to the place that bought her photos, but in her normal human form as Jennifer Walters. Wyatt accompanies Walters to serve as a bodyguard, and so he can score major brownie points. Walters, who resembles her cousin Bruce Banner quite a bit in her human form enters the offices of the tabloid known as "The Naked Truth" (a subsidiary of the Daily Bugle...ok, not really) , and asks for Mr. Vance.

Mr. Vance, who seems like a cross between Stan Lee and Larry Flynt, tells Walters that She-Hulk is a public figure and that she shouldn't have been sunbathing in public. Vance expounds upon the facts that the pictures are already printed, and that he already made a fortune, which he's keeping in a small safe in his office. Apparently the money went right to his head, because he couldn't resist telling that to his two guests. Jennifer Walters then turns into the She-Hulk, crumples the safe full of money into a ball, and hands it to Mr. Vance. Shulkie and Wyatt leave the office, knowing that at least they stopped the perv from getting his payment for the pics.

In the story's "epilog" (don't look at me, that's what it says), we are shown a scene 3 weeks later at the Baxter Building. A "business casual" Reed finds Sue and asks her is she's okay. Apparently something big happened, because Sue is looking in on her son Franklin and talking about the great distress they all just went through. I missed something I guess, but it has been a 6 issue gap between this issue and the last one I reviewed. Reed tells Sue that he's ready to go out and see "Little Shop of Horrors", and then sees that She-Hulk is depressed as well. He asks her what's up, and she tells them it's the past few days (What did I miss???), and that the magazine comes out. Just then, Johnny "worst friend ever" Storm flies in the window holding a copy of the mag.

Johnny shows She-Hulk the pictures, and to her delight, someone had color corrected her green skin to look more flesh colored, because they thought there was a defect in the original photo. Johnny tells She-Hulk that he needs the magazine back, because he has a pair of green tinted glasses in his room. The comic ends on the Torch flying to his room and the She-Hulk chasing him down. It's like something out a sitcom....an 80's sitcom. "Sit Ubu ,sit."

What I Thought: I saved my more sarcastic moments for this portion of the post, given the very ridiculous nature of the story to begin with. First of all, She-Hulk is green. Does she really need to tan her green skin? From the looks of it, Jennifer Walters is the one who needs a tan. And the end of the issue, with Johnny and his "green tinted glasses." Dude, it's a naked girl, shouldn't that be enough? I mean use a little imagination if the color is that big of an obstacle.

And Johnny and Alicia- look, I'm not a prude, and I'm not uninformed about Fantastic Four history. I know Johnny and Alicia have a big long relationship that turns into an even bigger storyline, but it was weird to see a Fantastic Four comic show "the morning after" for anyone but Reed and Sue. Even then, it's a really weird thought. It might just be me that feels that way, maybe I am a prude..... I am a prude.

Overall, this comic was fun. It was a good change of pace from the other stories. I think this is why Byrne was so great on this book, he put these characters in a lot of varied situations. I think what all writers/ artists strive for with the FF is the feeling like it's "family first", but the family could go anywhere, and most end up taking them to the Negative Zone ad nauseum. Despite it's soap opera elements, I can see that this issue never set out to take itself too seriously, so I won't even try to either. So until Johnny gets an imagination, vive le fantastique!

Fantastic Four #269

Fantastic Four #269-"SKYFALL"
Cover Date Aug 1984 Price $.60
Cover Tagline: "Who is Terminus?"
Writer/ Artist: John Byrne

Story- We open the issue with a thoughtful Wyatt Wingfoot, who is the FF's longtime racistly stereotyped Native American compatriot. He's standing and surveying the open desert, thinking how he is a day away from taking over as the Chief of his tribe. Wyatt slightly laments this fact, because he has shared so many globetrotting adventures "off the reservation." (couldn't resist)


All of a sudden, our pondering guest star is surprised by a giant beam coming down from the sky, blasting the desert ground around him. Think of Wyatt as an ant, and the beam like a focused light from a giant magnifying glass, and you have the picture. Knowing that this big beam means trouble for his tribe, Wingfoot runs off to alert the proper authorities--you guessed it-- the Fantastic Four! After all, if you could call them, wouldn't you?


We jump to a lunch date between Johnny and some dirty skan--I mean young, fashionable lady named Shar. the two are catching up, because at this point in comics history the Fantastic Four had just returned from fighting a "Secret War" in space. While they're conversing, Alicia Masters, Ben Grimm's ex-girlfriend and blind friend of the FF walks by looking a bit lost. Johnny totally ditches Shar and proceeds to help Alicia cross the street, because she was looking for the museum. That's the punchline to the old joke "Why did the blind girl cross the road?" Anyway, Johnny approaches the whole thing with trepidation because Alicia's former lover, the aforementioned Benjamin Grimm, decided to stay in space and continue fighting the aforementioned "Secret War."


We cut to the Baxter Building, the home base of the Fantastic Four, where we find a contemplative Susan Storm. Wow, there really was a lot of contemplating going on back in the 80's, at least in comics. Sue is thinking about recently losing her 2nd child (in issue 267) due to her cosmically irradiated cells, and how sad it is that the doctor told her not to have any more kids. As she wallows in guilt, her young son Franklin busts in and asks where the heck Ben is, and if the family can go to their home in Connecticut. At this point in the comics, Sue and Reed had set up secret identities in a suburban neighborhood to try and give Franklin some sense of normalcy. You think Reed would have calculated that would be a waste of time ,given the FF's propensity for epic adventures, but alas Sue walks Franklin down to see his pops.


Reed is busy looking like an old man and putting together some new machine with the surprisingly hot She-Hulk, who is now a member of the team in the Thing's absence. As sickened as this reviewer is by people who go gaga over drawings of women in comics, he will admit that John Byrne's She-Hulk is proportionately ideal. As Reed and Shulkie continue to build the machine, Sue asks what it is, and Reed blows up like 3 pages of pseudo-science that I'm sure John Byrne thought was very clever.


Essentially the machine Reed's building pulls the kinetic energy from the sun and transfers it for use in other places, thereby giving the world a free source of energy. The only problem is that it's so much power that it makes the things it is stored in implode. It's those little kinks that make scientific discovery so much fun! As the friends are reveling in Reed's accomplishment, Wyatt calls up to tell Reed about the giant beam cutting through the land. And as any distinguished super hero would cry, Reed lets out a mighty "great scott!"


As Reed is on the phone with Wyatt, the giant destructive beam crosses next to Manhattan, and the president calls Reed and tells him to get on the case. Reed takes She-Hulk to accompany him to the desert where Wyatt initially saw the beam, and tells Sue to stay home. Sue gets quite upset, and uses her powers to trash Reed's lab. Remember kids, she's the most powerful member of the FF. Coupled with the fact that she is a woman, you don't want to make her mad.


Reed and She-Hulk head to the desert, and along the way they discuss how in her secret identity as a lawyer the She-Hulk actually encounters as many complexities as Reed does as a scientist. It's a funny thing to see how naive and innocent She-Hulk was when she first came out in comics, because now she's written as one of comics' more notorious harlots. As she and Reed fly towards the beam, he realizes that it is a search beam from a hundred light years away, which means whoever sent it was smart enough to calculate where the Earth would be in a hundred years. All of a sudden, a giant vessel of some sort descends from the great beam. Reed once again cements his old man status as he yells "great scott!" ...Shouldn't Perry White be suing him by now or something?


The beam stops, leaving a smoldering vessel on the ground. Reed and Shulkie go to investigate, and Wyatt meets up with them there. He introduces himself to She-Hulk and the romantic foreshadowing almost punches you in the face. Maybe this was the seeds of she-hulk's descent into promiscuity...

As they flirt, Reed looks over his data from tracking the beam's path across the United States. He notices the pattern, and uses his "Universal Translator" (which rivals the "Bat shark repelent" from the 1960's Batman movie as the most convenient tool EVER) to decipher that the beam actually wrote a message. The message, which is printed on a ticker tape not unlike a fortune cookie, reads "I claim this world- Terminus". As Reed looks on the back of the tape for his lucky numbers (not really!), She-Hulk asks the logical question of just who is Terminus? Well, much to no ones surprise, the once smoldering vessel that arrived with the beam stands up and reveals itself to be "Terminus...master of this planet!" She just had to go and ask, didn't she?

What I Thought- As a set up issue I liked it. You can tell this issue was resetting a few things after the Secret War mini-series had shaken up a few Marvel titles, and it's also got a lot of story beats that branch off in different directions. I've read a few of John Byrne's more current (90's) work, and it's not as tight as the storytelling in these old books. For such a prolific career, his FF work stands out to me as his defining moment. I mean, it has to be a tie with his work on "Superman- Man of Steel" from the mid 80's, but this just encompasses so much character history without reinventing it.

Despite my making fun of it, I liked the science sounding stuff in this issue. It's not often when you have to read a comic a few times just to make sure you know which kind of science it's talking about. Usually they don't even make it sound half way plausible now, as Iron Man can wear an invisible Internet on his body that can go in space and blow up tanks.

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention She-Hulk's appearance in this issue. I once described the She-Hulk to my friend as that hot girl you know from a distance who seems really cool and interesting, but once you get to know her personally, she is so off-putting and repulsive you want to run in terror. I still feel that way about her, given that she was most recently written as an Ally McBeal rip-off, but it's nice to see her humble beginnings. Her personality almost seems "cute" in these FF issues, which is more fitting for someone who inadvertently gained super powers from a blood transfusion.

So overall, I really liked this issue. It's not as classic as a few of the others from the box that I've read so far, but I liked seeing Reed and She-Hulk just chilling. It would be nice to know how the rest of the story turns out, but the next review jumps forward in time. Oh well, such is the fate of he pulls from the box. Until next time, vive le Fantastique!

Fantastic Four #236

Fantastic Four #236- "Terror in a Tiny Town"

Cover Date: Nov 1981 Price $1.00

Writer: Johny Byrne Artist: John Byrne

(Editor's note- I realized that the only way I can deal with these older issues is with an intense amount of commentary and sarcasm. I really do apologize if I approach "1980's stand up comedian" levels of annoyingness. We have a "Chandler-level" event here, people)

Story: This is triple sized 2oth anniversary edition of the "World's Greatest Comics Magazine." The story starts with a familiar sight: Reed, Ben, Johnny, and Sue stealing a rocketship and flying off into space. As Reed flies into the cosmic storm on purpose, Ben Grimm warns him to turn back. Reed, ever the man of science, continues on his course and the crew is bombarded with space radiation. Reed calls out to Ben to steady the ship, but Grimm feels tired from the radiation and passes out. The spaceship hurtles towards the Earth and explodes. The end.

Okay, that wasn't the end, it was actually the point where Johnny Storm wakes up from his nightmare. It seems the young man has been having quite a bit of these types of scares lately, but he is reluctant to tell his family. After all, who would believe a mechanic from the town of Liddleville that keeps seeing visions of his family and friends as space faring rocket snatchers? Yep, it's one of those issues!

To get to the point, Reed and Susan Richards are married with a young son named Franklin. Reed is an absent minded professor at Liddleville College, and he is constantly derided by his colleagues and boss, Mr. Vincent Vaughn. Reed's close and handsome (read: not rocky) friend Ben Grimm often comes to visit the Richards, along with his not-blind wife Alicia. Mr. Grimm owns a bar where the family likes to get together and celebrate their lives in Liddleville, much like the characters on the TV show Cheers like to convene at the communal watering hole of the same name. Even Ben's father in law, Mr. Phillip Masters, sometimes comes to join them all, because he just loves Mr. Grimm and his daughter being together.

Well, it turns out that Ben, Johnny, Reed, and Sue all keep having similar nightmares in which they are on a stolen rocketship which travels through cosmic radiation. As Reed ponders this odd coincidence, he falls asleep and dreams about a group of adventurers named the Fantastic Four. Awaking with a thud as his chair tips over, Reed realizes that Liddleville is a sham, and he and his family actaually are the Fantastic Four. Woah....spoiler alert, anyone?

Reed tests his theory that things are not what they seem by cutting himself with a scalpel. apparently, "pinch me, I must be dreaming!" wasn't scientific enough for him. He goes to his home to find his worried family. He tells them the good news that they are all living in a dream world, and that Phillip Masters is in fact the villain Puppet Master, and a very likely candidate for the perpetrator of this dream state. Alicia has a hard time thinking of her step father that way, and Ben gets pretty upset because he knows that means he is really a rocky monster, and not a doting husband and bar owner (What's he complaining about? At this point in my life, I'd rather be a rocky monster than either of those). Phillip Masters tells them that since Reed figured it out, they are actually tiny puppets whose real bodies are elsewhere. The minds of the FF are being projected into the bodies, and Masters is okay with this because he only wanted to see Alicia happy.

Reed then deduces that Phillip Masters isn't smart enough or connected enough to put the team into this dreamworld. The real villain behind the plot reveals himself to be none other than... Dr. Doom! No way! Doom? In an anniversary issue? Another spoiler alert, please? Doom has got the team trapped in the world of Liddleville (huh, I just got that! Cause they're so little!), and has been watching them by manipulating a puppet version of himself, Vincent Vaughn, who was Reed's fake boss at his pretend college.

Now the FF must figure a way out. The only catch is that Ben doesn't want to leave, because he knows in all reality he and Alicia are not married and that he is a total uggo. He takes off for a while and Reed bids him farewell. Reed then goes to the college and figures out that if he uses the machine there to replicate the cosmic radiation that once gave him and his team powers, they may be able to use their puppet bodies to get their real bodies turned back on (they'll get their powers back from the machine because their puppet bodies are based on DNA copies of their real bodies). But the power levels need to be 20 times the normal amount for the team to stand a chance. The first test of the machine could be fatal, and Reed, Sue, and Johnny all argue who wants to put themselves in harm's way first. Ben then interrupts and tells Reed to use the machine on him.Reed asks if he's sure, and in the funniest scene of the comic Ben says "NO! So do it!" Alicia then tells Ben that she loves him no matter how orange and rocky he is.

What follows is that the FF all get their powers, the Puppet Master flees, and the puppet FF take the fight to Doom. They rig up his machine to throw them back into their real bodies, but they have to trick him into shooting energy at it. They appeal to his egotistical side, and he ends up shooting energy into the machine. The FF get their bodies back, and Doom appears to be catatonic. The FF grab his body, which is frozen in suspended animation, and decide to go back to the real world.

Meanwhile, we find out Doom's mind has been transported into the body of the puppet Vincent Vaughn, and that he planned for this all along. He's happy because he will be able to transport his consciousness into the suspended Doom body and surprise the FF at a later date. Doom has a signal watch that will allow him to transport his consciousness, and as he stands and gives exposition about it, a rock flies and breaks it (This is why you shouldn't talk so much, old comics!). Apparently the Puppet Master has taken control of the citizens of Liddleville (since they were also puppets), and is going to have them revolt against Doom.

What I Thought: First of all, it's cool to see what the 20th anniversary of the FF looked like. Reading comics nowadays, we're seeing how things like the 70th anniversary of Marvel are celebrated, and I never give much thought to the fact that they celebrated these older milestones as well. I thought the "anniversary issue" was an invention of a more consumer driven era, but I need to think about how comics on a whole were created solely to make money.

This story was one part cliche, one part fun, and one part surprise. Obviously, the dream world thing is used in storytelling all the time, and the real question becomes the "who's behind it, and why?" Byrne doesn't waste too much time getting there, and I appreciate that. I did think the amount of time the team took luring Doom to the machine was a bit much, but this issue was 3 times the normal size. (On that note,this comic featured a tale by Stan and Jack as well, but I didn't read it because it was an absolutely shameless advertisement for the old FF cartoon that featured H.E.R.B.I.E.)

This comic had a lot of great character moments, especially between Alicia and Ben. I loved the inclusion of Puppet Master, who looks like a deranged "Dopey" from Snow White. Puppet Master is quickly becoming my favorite stock FF villain, next to Doom, of course. Byrne's run on this book is stuff of legend, or so I've been told all my life, and I'm interested in seeing his era in action. Actually having a physical copy of his work is helping the experience I believe.

As far as the end, I was genuinely surprised to see Doom get stuck in his puppet body. I never knew that had happened to him, and I'm curious as to how he'll escape. Good one, Byrne!

Well, I think that's it for now. I'm looking forward to a regular sized issue next time around. Until then, vive la Fantastique!